The Taxman (2008)
fade in: ext. road - sunset
JAKE STEIN, a man in his thirties, drives an open convertible past a "WELCOME TO TRIESTE" sign.
He coasts down a small hill, which overlooks a picturesque village along the Pacific coast.
ext. jake's house - later
Jake exits the car, which is parked in the driveway. He tosses a backpack across one shoulder and heads toward the front door of the house.
int. kitchen - moments later
Jake enters from the living room.
sarah (os)
Is that you, hon?
jake
That's me.
He tosses his bag onto the table and sifts through the mail. He pauses at one particular envelop.
jake (cont'd)
IRS?
sarah (os)
Refund, baby!
Beaming with joy, Jake tears open the envelop and reads the letter.
His smile turns sour.
His eyes never leave the letter during the ensuing conversation.
sarah (cont'd, os)
Well, how much?
jake
I . . . I'm being audited.
sarah (os)
Audited? It . . . it's probably something silly. You know, like you didn't sign the return.
SARAH STEIN enters wearing a bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her head.
jake
Yeah, you're probably right.
Something outside the window piques her interest.
sarah
Who's that?
jake
Who?
sarah
The guy on our front lawn.
jake
There's no guy on our front lawn.
sarah
There is.
jake
Sarah, I was just out there a few seconds ago. There's no guy on our front lawn.
Sarah emphatically points toward the window.
sarah
Then, what's that?
Jake reluctantly puts the letter down and walks toward the window. He stops in surprise.
jake
There's a guy on our front lawn.
ext. jake's house - same
VAL JOHN, a tall man wearing a dark suit, sets up a portable table on the lawn. Beside him lie a bunch of cardboard boxes.
When talking, Val consistently speaks loudly and fast.
Jake exits the house.
jake
Excuse me -- can I help you?
val
Jacob Stein?
jake
Jake.
Val rushes toward Jake, with a big smile, offering his hand. Jake reluctantly shakes it.
val
Val. Val John. IRS.
jake
IRS?
val
Yes, sir. I suppose you received our letter?
jake
Just now.
val
Hope you weren't too startled. People get so scared by these things when it's utterly painless. And'll be over in a jiffy.
jake
You're doing the audit now? Right here?
val
That's the new IRS, Mr. Stein. Fast and efficient.
jake
Why . . . why are you shouting?
val
Was I shouting?
jake
You still are.
val
That's just enthusiasm, Mr. Stein. I love my work. So, shall we get started?
Jake shakes his head.
jake
This is crazy. You got some ID or something?
val
Sure thing, Mr. Stein.
Val reaches inside his jacket and pulls out a badge. He hands it to Jake.
jake
Mind if I borrow this for a moment?
int. kitchen - later
Jake stares at the badge while holding a telephone to his ear.
woman (vo)
IRS -- can I help you?
jake
Yes, there's this guy on my front lawn . . . he says he works for you.
woman (vo)
It's quite all right, Mr. Stein.
jake
Wait a minute -- I didn't tell you my name.
woman (vo)
You're Jacob Stein, but you prefer "Jake." You're Thirty-two. You live at fifty-five Rosebud Lane in Trieste, California. Your --
jake
-- Hold on -- how do you know all this about me?
woman (vo)
We know everything about you, Mr. Stein. Everything. Now, please, just cooperate with Mr. John.
jake
And if I don't?
woman (vo)
Aren't you in enough trouble, Mr. Stein?
jake
Trouble? I'm in trouble?
The connection dies.
jake (cont'd)
Hello? . . . Hello?
ext. jake's house - later
Val, sitting behind the table, which is covered with documents, punches numbers into an adding machine. The paper coming out of the machine extends to the lawn.
Val's badge lands on the table. Without stopping his adding, Val looks up at a frowning Jake and smiles.
val
Everything okay?
jake
No, everything's not okay. Look, Mr. John --
val
-- Val.
jake
Val. Look, Val -- can't we start this tomorrow? I'll come to your office.
val
Don't have an office. I'm a field officer.
jake
Fine. Come back tomorrow morning.
val
No time like now.
Val stops adding.
val (cont'd)
Now, Mr. Stein, you're self-employed, right?
jake
I guess so. I'm a contract technical writer. But it's not exactly a business.
val
But you do take business deductions?
jake
Sure. That's not against the law. Is it?
A MAN with a DOG walks by. He slows down, looking strangely at the pair. Jake meekly smiles back.
val
Of course not. When taken properly.
jake
Could you please lower your voice.
val
Was I shouting again?
jake
How long's this gonna take?
val
Not long at all. Some of my audits have been completed in hours. Others no more than a few days or weeks.
jake
Weeks?
val
One took four months, but that was highly unusual.
Jake mouths the word "months."
val (cont'd)
What I need is all your personal and business records for the last ten years.
jake
Ten years?
val
Since you joined the workforce.
jake
I don't have ten years worth of records. I mean -- come on, who keeps ten years of records?
val
Me. Look, just give me whatever you've got. It's just for corroboration. I've got duplicates of almost everything.
jake
What do you mean, you've got duplicates?
val
We have every invoice, every bill -- every expense you've ever had.
jake
How? I never sent you those things.
val
We have our ways, Mr. Stein. We have our ways.
int. kitchen - night
Jake and Sarah, both looking tense, pick at the food in front of them, over the sound of an adding machine coming from outside.
sarah
How long is he gonna be out there?
jake
I don't know.
sarah
This is just nuts. It isn't the way they do audits.
jake
How do you know?
sarah
What?
jake
How do you know they don't do audits this way? Have you been audited before?
sarah
Well, no.
jake
Do you know anyone who's been audited?
sarah
I've seen it on TV.
jake
This isn't TV.
Sarah drops her fork onto her plate.
sarah
Listen, Jake -- tell him to go. He's starting to freak me out.
ext. jake's house - same
Val bangs at his adding machine while simultaneously scanning his eyes through the documents, with the aid of a portable floodlight. Copious amounts of adding paper are strewn across the lawn.
Jake exits the house and rips the floodlight's cord from the house socket.
val
It's difficult to read without that light, Mr. Stein.
jake
It's time to go home.
val
Lot's of work to do. And I've got so many questions for you.
jake
Tomorrow. Ask them tomorrow.
val
If you don't mind, I think I'll continue.
jake
I do mind. It's time to go home.
Val puts on a pair of night-vision goggles and resumes working.
jake (cont'd)
Did you hear what I just said?
val
Let me know when you're available for questioning.
jake
I'm calling the police.
Val stops. He looks up at Jake and smiles.
val
I'm quite fond of the police.
ext. jake's house - later
Jake walks an immense POLICE OFFICER to his car, his eyes on Val, who continues to work on the front lawn.
They stop in front of the car. The officer opens the car door.
jake
You can't do anything?
police officer
Sorry.
jake
But he's trespassing. Isn't he?
police officer
They're allowed.
jake
They're allowed?
police officer
Sorry. Even if I could arrest him, I wouldn't.
jake
Why?
police officer
What -- and risk an audit?
int. jake's bedroom - later
Jake and Sarah lie in bed restlessly, over the sound of an adding machine coming from outside.
sarah
Is he gonna be here all night?
jake
(shouting)
Are you gonna be here all night?
val (OS)
The IRS never sleeps.
int. jake's hallway - later
A sleepy Jake stumbles toward a door. He stops when he hears water flowing. He turns back and sees Sarah asleep in their bed.
The door opens. A smiling Val exits.
val
Nighty-night.
Jake raises his index finger and opens his mouth.
ext. jake's house - morning
Jake, his eyes bloodshot, exits the house with his backpack draped over his shoulder.
A fresh-looking Val rushes up to him carrying a box.
val
Are you ready to answer some questions, Mr. Stein?
jake
Morning.
val
Good morning. I've almost completed 1998. Are you ready to answer some questions?
jake
I'm ready to go to work.
ext. road - later
Jake drives along a road with single lanes in both directions.
Val pulls up alongside him in the opposite lane in a dark-blue sedan and rolls down his window.
val
In September Nineteen Ninety-Eight, you wrote off a thirty-eight-dollar deduction --
jake
-- Are you out of your mind?
A car off-screen loudly honks its horn. Val hits his brakes and pulls behind Jake just as the other car passes.
He pulls up again alongside Jake.
val
In September --
jake
-- You're gonna get us both killed!
(waving his arms)
Pull over!
ext. café - later
Jake exits, carrying a cup of coffee, and sits on a bench overlooking the ocean.
Val exits, carrying two cups, and sits next to Jake.
Val opens both lids. Hot steam pours out. He drains each cup in one gulp, to the amazement of Jake.
Val sighs deeply and smiles.
jake
Are you human? Or some kind of IRS robot?
val
Lovely town you've got.
Jake turns to the ocean.
jake
Yeah, it's almost as nice as the real thing.
val
Real thing?
jake
You know -- the one in Italy.
val
They've got a Trieste in Italy?
jake
They sure do.
val
But it can't be as nice as this.
jake
Nicer.
val
How do you know?
jake
I lived there for a year.
val
Really? Doing what?
jake
Pretending to be Joyce.
val
Is that profitable?
jake
Not particularly.
ext. café parking lot - later
Jake opens the door of his car, with Val right behind him.
val
You know, Jake, you really should use accrual accounting. You're doubling my work.
Val belly laughs, to the bewilderment of Jake.
val (cont'd)
Double-entry accounting -- doubling my work! Get it?
jake
No.
val
It's accounting humor.
jake
So, we're cool now -- no more following me around.
Val puts two fingers into the air, as if making a pledge.
val
There's no need.
jake
I'll see you later.
val
You sure will.
ext. technological park - later
Jake pulls into the sterile facility. He glances in his side-view window.
ext. office complex - later
Jake walks up to the building and grabs the front door.
He pauses briefly, before spinning around one-hundred-and-eighty degrees. No one's there.
int. office - later
Jake enters a small cubicle, placing his backpack on a chair.
He picks up a picture of James Joyce, which stands nearby one of Sarah. He stares into the man's eyes.
jake
I think I'm gonna have to replace you with Kafka.
Val jumps up from an adjoining cubicle.
val
I once knew an accordion player named Kafka.
Jake drops the picture in fright. He turns angrily toward Val.
jake
What the hell are you doing here?
A number of workers rise from their cubicles, curious of the commotion. Jake smiles with embarrassment.
jake (cont'd)
Ah . . . sorry about that.
The workers sit down. Jake turns to Val.
jake (cont'd)
(loudly whispering)
What are you doing here?
val
Completing your audit, don't you remember?
jake
You promised you wouldn't follow me.
val
Didn't need to -- I know where you work.
jake
Look -- you can't come in here.
Val takes out his badge and waves it.
val
This says I can go anywhere.
A middle-aged MANAGER stops by, putting his hand on Jake's shoulder.
manager
I need that draft, Jake.
jake
You'll have it this morning. I promise.
The manager smiles and nods. He starts to walk away, but suddenly stops. He turns back to Jake, pointing at Val.
manager
Who's this?
Jake lowers his eyes.
jake
My auditor.
manager
Your auditor?
(to Val)
You can't come in here.
Val waves his badge, smiling.
int. cubicle - later
Jake types.
val (os)
Jake, can we talk depreciation?
Jake pauses for a moment before starting to type again.
val (cont'd, os)
Strictly speaking, you should really be depreciating all capital items, regardless of their cost.
A WOMAN comes by and taps Jake on the shoulder with a pen. Jake turns around.
woman
Coming to the meeting?
Jake
Oh, yeah -- I forgot. I'll be there in a minute.
val (os)
This stapler you bought in December Ninety-Eight really shouldn't have been deducted fully the year it was placed into service.
Jake grabs a pad and pen and steps out.
Val jumps up. He tails Jake.
val (cont'd)
It needs to be depreciated, preferably on a straight --
Jake suddenly stops, causing Val to collide with him.
jake
Look -- you can't come with me.
Val reaches inside his jacket. Jake grabs his arm.
jake
Forget the badge -- let's make a deal.
ext. office complex - later
Jake leads Val out the door.
jake
I swear I'll answer every single question, just as soon as the meeting's over.
Val looks at his watch.
jake (cont'd)
A half an hour at most. Please.
int. meeting room - later
Jake enters a packed suite.
manager
Nice of you to show up, Jake.
jake
Sorry.
Jake takes a seat and looks up at a clock, which reads "2:10."
int. meeting room - later
The clock reads "2:50."
Jake watches the clock, emotionlessly tapping his pen against his pad.
manager
I think we really need to approach this problem orthogonally.
Through an open window, Jake sees Val standing outside on the grounds, looking into the offices.
woman
It really depends on how orthogonal.
manager
I agree.
Jake stands up and walks toward the window.
manager (cont'd)
What are you doing, Jake?
jake
There's a bit of a draft.
manager
No there isn't. Please sit down.
Jake reluctantly sits down.
manager (cont'd)
If we carefully analyze the operational workflow, we'll see --
val (os)
Your software purchases cannot -- I repeat -- cannot be depreciated. They must be amortized.
manager
What the . . .
val (os)
Now, in regards to expensing, this may not have any tangible effect.
Val belly laughs.
The manager stands up and walks toward the window. Jake gulps hard and sinks in his chair. The manager peeks his head out the window.
val (cont'd, os)
Get it? Tangible -- as in "tangible asset." That's another accounting joke. Man, I'm just killing myself today.
The manager pulls his head back inside and turns back.
manager
Jake?
ext. parking lot - later
An angry Jake flings a cardboard box filled with items into his car, with a smiling Val right behind him.
val
They can't fire you for that.
jake
They can. I'm not an employee -- I'm a contractor. They can fire me for anything.
val
Well, as soon as we complete the audit, you can get a new contract.
jake
Screw you!
val
Now, that wasn't very nice. In fact, it was almost profane.
Jake jumps into the car and slams the door.
val (cont'd)
This is not a helpful attitude, Jake.
jake
Mr. Stein.
val
Shall I meet you back at the house?
jake
Not the house -- my house! And no -- don't meet me anywhere. We're through!
val
No can do.
Jake speeds off.
ext. road - later
Jake drives at a high speed, constantly looking in his rear- and side-view mirrors.
His eyes widen when he sees a dark-blue sedan behind him rush forward.
He pounds his foot onto the accelerator.
With the blue sedan almost on top of him, Jake quickly turns left, cutting off a driver, who slams his break. The blue sedan goes around the stopped car and follows Jake.
Jake looks in his rear-view mirror and sees the blue sedan. A siren turns on inside the car.
Jake gulps hard.
ext. road - later
A POLICE OFFICER hands Jake a ticket and returns to his unmarked car. Jake stares at the ticket.
Another dark blue sedan pulls up next to Jake. Jake turns and sees a smiling Val.
Val waves.
int. jake's house - later
Jake rushes inside. He locks the door, turns the dead-bolt, and puts the security chain in place. Nearby hangs Jake's wedding picture, clearly taken recently.
sarah (os)
What's wrong? And what are you doing home so early?
jake
Is he here?
Sarah enters from the living room.
sarah
Who?
jake
The taxman!
sarah
No, but the bank just called.
jake
The bank?
sarah
They want to see us as soon as possible.
int. bank - later
Jake and Sarah, in utter shock, stare blankly at a smiling bank EMPLOYEE.
jake
I don't understand. Why are you calling in our loan?
employee
I'm not at liberty to say, Mr. Stein.
sarah
You're throwing us out of our home and you can't tell us why?
employee
We're not throwing you out. All you have to do is pay the remaining balance.
jake
(shouting)
Where are we gonna get a quarter of a million dollars?
Everyone in the bank stops and looks at them.
employee
Please, Mr. Stein -- lower your voice.
jake
Tell us why!
The employee carefully looks both ways.
employee
(whispering)
We've heard you've got some tax trouble.
jake
It's not trouble -- it's just a lousy audit. And how do you know about it? I just found out yesterday.
employee
We have our ways, Mr. Stein. We have our ways.
The employee again cautiously looks both ways.
employee (cont'd)
You see, Mr. Stein -- you have what we call a liar loan.
jake
A liar loan?
employee
Yes, you didn't provide any income verification on your loan application.
jake
I didn't lie. It's just difficult demonstrating your real income when you're self-employed.
employee
I understand. I understand perfectly.
sarah
We've never been late once.
employee
I understand. But you must understand that your type of loan is potentially very dangerous.
Once again the employee looks both ways.
employee (cont'd)
We're in the midst of a crisis, Mr. Stein. A crisis. This bank is losing billions.
Sarah
Now what?
employee
Well, we're certainly not throwing you out on the street tomorrow.
The employee smiles.
employee (cont'd)
You have till Friday.
ext. bank - later
Jake and Sarah exit, zombie-like. Jake stops in front of an ATM machine.
jake
I need some money.
Jake takes out his bank card and enters it into the machine.
sarah
Jake, what are we gonna do?
Jake enters his information.
jake
You're the business mind in the family -- you tell me.
Jake's jaw opens wide.
sarah
What's wrong?
jake
It says, "Funds unavailable."
sarah
Let me try mine.
She quickly pulls out her card from her purse.
jake
I don't get it -- there's lots of money in that account.
She enters her information.
"FUNDS UNAVAILABLE" display on the screen.
int. bank - later
The employee takes a deep breath before keying in information.
employee
Oh, yes.
He turns to Jake and Sarah and smiles.
employee (cont'd)
There's a lien on your account.
sarah
A lien?
employee
Yes, by the Treasury Department. That is, the IRS.
jake
What exactly does that mean?
employee
It means your account is frozen.
sarah
How are we supposed to get money?
employee
Talk to the IRS.
jake
They can just lock us out of our money for no reason?
employee
They can do anything they want.
int. jake's car - later
Jake, his eyes closed, leans his head against the steering wheel, while Sarah looks at him helplessly. The top of the convertible is up.
sarah
Jake?
jake
Yeah?
sarah
What are we gonna do?
jake
I don't have any better answer than the last time you asked.
Sarah screams with fear. Jake jumps.
jake (cont'd)
What?
She points in his direction. Jake turns around and sees Val's face and hands pressed against the window. Jake rolls down the window.
val
What a relief -- I've been looking for you everywhere. Fortunately I had your bank --
Jake grabs him by his collar and drags him inside the car.
outside the car
Val's legs dangle wildly.
inside the car
Jake violently shakes Val by the collar.
val
Mr. Stein -- it's a federal offense to assault an IRS agent.
jake
What's it for murder?
val
Do I sense a little anger?
jake
Do you realize what you've done? We're gonna be homeless because of you!
val
All the more reason to cooperate.
jake
I've got a better idea.
Jake chokes Val.
The back of the car rises into the air, causing Jake to release his grip.
jake
What the . . .
ext. car - later
Val and Sarah watch Jake argue with a heavy-set REPO MAN, who signals the driver of a tow truck to take Jake's car.
jake
But I've never missed a payment. In fact, I pay one month ahead.
The truck pulls away.
repo man
Tell it to someone else, Mac -- I've heard them all. I get an order to repossess, I repossess.
Jake turns to Val. Val smiles back. Jake threateningly approaches. Val steps back.
jake
This is all your fault!
val
We just want you to cooperate, Mr. Stein. Once the audit's over, everything will go back to normal . . . assuming --
jake
-- Assuming what?
Val smiles.
ext. highway - later
Jake and Sarah walk on the shoulder, with Val driving alongside them. Many cars honk their horns due to his slowness; and because a number of them are shifting into the next lane, the whole road is clogged.
passing driver (os)
Hey, jackass -- move!
val
(to Sarah)
Boy, people can be so unpleasant. I guess that's what they call "road rage."
sarah
I don't understand why we can't ride with you, Mr. John.
val
Val.
sarah
What?
val
Call me "Val."
sarah
Val, why can't we ride with you?
val
Company car. Official passengers only.
sarah
Why are you screaming?
val
Was I screaming?
jake
Forget it, honey -- he's insane.
passing driver (os)
What are you, a retard?
sarah
Jake, what are we gonna do?
jake
How many times are you gonna ask me that?
sarah
As many times as it takes to get an answer.
val
Speaking of answers, Mr. Stein, in January of Ninety-Nine --
jake
Shut up!
val
That's no way to talk to someone who has your life in his hands.
jake
You're enjoying this -- you're really enjoying this.
val
I enjoy my work, that's for sure. Now, back to January of Ninety-Nine . . .
int. jake's bedroom - later
Jake and Sarah lie in bed restlessly, over the sound of an adding machine coming from outside.
sarah
Jake --
jake
-- What are we gonna do?
Jake sighs deeply.
jake (cont'd)
Well, I certainly can't get another contract with him tailing me everywhere.
sarah
I can get a job.
jake
What about your MBA?
sarah
I can complete it later.
jake
What would you do?
sarah
I don't know . . . something.
jake
Something's not gonna cut it.
Jake puts his hands underneath his head and looks up.
jake (cont'd)
I was thinking.
sarah
What?
jake
I was thinking I could try writing again.
Sarah becomes slightly perturbed.
sarah
You do write.
jake
I mean real writing.
sarah
You do real writing. Paid writing.
jake
I could try a novel, or even a screenplay. Do you know how much I could make selling even one screenplay?
sarah
Jake.
jake
What?
sarah
You promised.
jake
What?
sarah
That was our agreement. No more fantasies. I didn't marry a loser.
jake
What do you mean by loser?
sarah
I mean, loser -- someone who dreams his life away. I want a home. A real home. And a family. I thought you wanted these things, too.
jake
I do. You know I do.
sarah
Then, give it up.
jake
But I can make a living at this. I know I can.
sarah
You can't. Tell me, how many novels have you written?
jake
A few.
sarah
How many?
jake
Four.
sarah
Screenplays?
jake
I don't know.
sarah
You know.
jake
Seven.
She looks at him incredulously.
jake (cont'd)
Okay, nine.
sarah
Stage plays?
jake
Come on -- they don't count.
sarah
They count.
jake
Five.
sarah
And after thousands of query letters, how many people have read these real writings? I mean people who you didn't pay.
jake
You've read a few.
sarah
I mean a somebody.
jake
If . . . if I just had someone who believed in me . . . I could do it.
sarah
You could also buy a winning lottery ticket. You'd have a better chance of success.
Jake turns away from her. He closes his eyes. She sighs, before gently caressing his shoulder.
sarah (cont'd)
I'm sorry, honey.
Jake opens his eyes.
jake
I'm a good writer.
sarah
I know you are. So do all those companies that hire you.
jake
It's not the same.
sarah
What's not? They pay you, don't they? They pay you well.
jake
It's not real writing. It's just manuals.
sarah
Manuals people read. Thousands of people.
jake
It's not the same.
ext. jake's house - morning
Jake, his eyes bloodshot, exits the house with his backpack draped over his shoulder.
He walks up to Val, who punches numbers on his adding machine (and continues to do so throughout the scene), over the sound of a police siren ringing far in the distance.
val
Sleep well?
jake
I guess. Well, not really. You?
val
Who needs sleep when you've got numbers?
The sound of the siren gets louder.
jake
Mr. John --
val
-- Val.
jake
Val, is it possible to speed this up somehow? You see, my life's falling apart.
val
I'm just doing my job, Mr. Stein.
jake
I understand. But can you do it faster?
A police car parks in front of the house.
val
That depends on you -- on your level of cooperation.
The same burly police officer who answered Jake's complaint, exits and walks toward them. Jake smiles.
jake
So, you're finally gonna arrest him.
police officer
Jacob Stein?
jake
Jake.
police officer
You're under arrest.
jake
Arrest? What for?
police officer
For assaulting a federal agent.
Jake angrily turns to Val.
jake
You!
val
It's every citizen's duty to report crime.
jake
You piece of . . .
val
Profanity is a sign of ill-breeding.
police officer
Put your hands behind your head.
Jake turns to the police officer and puts his hands behind his head. The police officer walks behind Jake.
police officer (cont'd)
Interlock your fingers.
Jake looks at Val with utter hatred.
police officer (cont'd)
I said -- interlock your fingers!
jake
Okay, okay.
Jake interlocks his fingers. The police officer puts handcuffs on Jake and roughly frisks him, bending his back to the point of pain.
Val stops adding and looks up at Jake with a smile.
val
Don't worry, Mr. Stein -- we can continue the audit in prison.
int. INTERROGATION room - day
A friendly-looking DETECTIVE hovers over Jake.
detective
Mr. Stein, I'd like to let you go. You're innocent, right?
jake
Yeah.
detective
Great. Then all you gotta do is answer a few questions. Okay?
Jake nods. The detective smiles.
ext. jonestown county prison - day
A police bus enters the low-security facility.
int. visiting room - same
Jake, who's wearing prison garb, faces a nervous-looking Sarah through a glass partition.
sarah
How is it in there?
jake
How do you think it is?
sarah
Jake . . . what are we gonna do?
jake
Please -- whatever you do, never ask me that again.
Sarah carefully looks both ways and sees no one.
sarah
Do you want . . .
jake
Want what?
She puts her fingers on the top button of her blouse.
sarah
Do you want me . . .
jake
Honey, I've only been here one night.
He reaches for her arm, but is interrupted by the glass.
jake (cont'd)
Put your hand down.
She drops her hand.
sarah
Have they?
jake
Have they what?
sarah
You know.
jake
No, I don't know.
She leans up to the glass and whispers.
sarah
You know, what they do to men in prison.
Jake and Sarah both turn to the next cubicle where BUCK, a large, heavily-tattooed man with a shaved head sits down.
Buck looks at Jake and smiles. He winks.
Jake's and Sarah's head spin toward one another. Jake gulps hard.
jake
Oh, my God! Sarah, you gotta get me out of here. Now!
sarah
They haven't set bail. And even if they did, we have no money, remember?
jake
Credit cards.
sarah
They've all been canceled.
jake
What about your parents?
Sarah cries.
jake (cont'd)
What's wrong?
sarah
They froze their accounts, too. They're scared, Jake. I'm scared. . . . Jake?
jake
What?
sarah
What are we gonna do?
Jake lowers his head into his hands.
int. public defenders' office - day
The front door opens, revealing a young black lawyer talking to Jake, who has his head in his hands. The nameplate on the desk reads: "A. PATERSON."
paterson
You're looking at years for the assault. If only you hadn't talked to the police. It would've been his word against yours.
jake
Now you tell me.
paterson
Anyone from the hood could've told you that.
Paterson awkwardly shuffles through some papers. A couple fall.
paterson (cont'd)
And then there's the tax charges. They're being very coy about that -- but they're hinting the assault will pale in comparison.
jake
Any more good news?
paterson
Can I be honest with you, Mr. Stein?
jake
Why not?
paterson
I just got out of law school. And it wasn't a particularly good law school.
Paterson lowers his eyes and takes a deep breath.
paterson (cont'd)
And . . . and I probably only got in because of affirmative action.
jake
I'm doomed.
paterson
I wouldn't say that.
Jake raises his head.
jake
What would you say?
paterson
I'd say . . . I'd say your doomed.
int. jake's cell - NIGHT
Jake, who is lying on a cot, stares at the bunk above him.
He turns his head when he hears footsteps. A smiling GUARD comes and unlocks his cell.
guard
Good news, Stein.
jake
What?
guard
You've got company.
Jake sits up. Another GUARD leads Buck into the cell and locks the door.
Buck smiles at Jake. Jake gulps hard.
guard
Sweet dreams, ladies.
The guards leave, chuckling among themselves. Buck sits next to Jake, causing the cot to sink almost to the floor. He puts his huge, bear-like arm across Jake's shoulder.
buck
Hi-ya, fella.
Jake starts shaking slightly.
buck (cont'd)
Aren't you gonna say hi?
jake
(high-pitched)
Hi.
buck
Is something wrong?
jake
Please.
buck
Please? Please what?
jake
Please don't hurt me.
Buck pulls away his arm and turns from Jake. He cries, to Jake's bewilderment.
jake (cont'd)
What . . . what's wrong?
buck
You . . . you prejudged me.
jake
I . . .
buck
Just because I'm a big man, you think I'm some kind . . . some kind of beast.
jake
I'm sorry. I --
buck
-- Did I threaten you in any way?
jake
No. It's just --
buck
-- Do you think it's easy being a big guy? I'm a sensitive man.
Buck turns back to Jake, tears rolling down his cheeks.
buck (cont'd)
I'd never hurt anyone. But do you care?
jake
I care. I do. Look, I'm sorry. Could we start again? My name's Jake.
Jake offers him his hand.
Buck wipes his eyes with his left hand. He smiles. He heartily shakes Jake's hand.
buck
Buck. You always have a friend in Buck.
int. courtroom - day
Jake briefly looks at Paterson, who's standing next to him, before turning forward.
jake
Not guilty.
The JUDGE slams his gavel.
judge
In lieu of bail, I hereby remand the defendant to Jonestown County Prison till trial.
He bangs his gavel once more.
judge (cont'd)
Court dismissed.
Jake turns and sees a smiling Val, who waves at him.
Paterson leans toward Jake's ear.
paterson
Whatever you do -- don't speak to him again.
A GUARD grabs Jake by the shoulder and leads him away.
Jake looks around and spots a crying Sarah. He mouths "I love you."
She turns and blindly runs toward the exit, where she collides with a YOUNG MAN.
sarah
I'm so sorry.
The man smiles.
man
Tell me -- was that your husband?
sarah
Why . . . why do you wanna know?
The man takes out a business card and hands it to her.
man
I'm a journalist for Acumen.
sarah
Acumen?
man
It's a libertarian magazine. Was that your husband?
She nods.
man (cont'd)
If you don't mind talking about it, perhaps I could be of help.
sarah
Help? How?
He leads her toward the exit.
man
It was an IRS agent he supposedly assaulted, right?
int. prison - day
Jake mops a floor by himself.
He stops, seeing something that piques his interest.
moments later
Jake finds a notebook by a window sill. He gently caresses the cover before scanning through it and finding it blank. He finds a pen nearby.
He hears approaching footsteps. He carefully looks both ways before stuffing the pad and the pen underneath his garb.
Three rough-looking CONVICTS approach. The lead one whistles a show tune. The others smile. Jake bristles with fear.
The convicts hear footsteps and quickly scatter, but not before the whistler blows Jake a kiss. Jake closes his eyes and sighs.
val (os)
I'm back!
Jake opens his eyes and sees a smiling Val accompanied by Jake's guard.
val (cont'd)
Shall we continue the audit?
jake
(to guard)
Could you bring back the rapists?
int. jake's cell - night
Jake lies in his cot restlessly -- in near darkness -- over the sound of Buck's heavy snoring coming from above and Val's adding machine coming from outside the cell.
He reaches underneath his pillow and pulls out the pad and the pen. He opens the pad to the first page and stares at it.
sarah (VO)
I mean, loser -- someone who dreams his life away.
He takes a deep breath before putting the pen to paper. He writes.
jake (vo)
I was mediocrity. I inhaled and exhaled it -- I wallowed in it. I cherished it. And then, one day he snatched it from me.
Jake pulls away the pen and reads what he's written.
He writes furiously.
jake (cont'd, vo)
He arrived that afternoon. A small man in a tall body. He came like Death -- a pale figure ensconced in darkness -- only without the humanity.
Up above, through a small window, a full moon shines.
int. jake's cell - morning
The sun rises through the small window.
Jake looks through his pad, which has dozens of pages filled, over the sound of the adding machine.
He writes, his hand covered in ink.
Buck inconspicuously glances down at Jake.
val
In Two Thousand, you deducted eighty-seven hundred miles. But our records indicate it was closer to eighty-five hundred.
Jake continues writing.
val (cont'd)
Eighty-five sixteen, to be exact. We must resolve this discrepancy. Can you account for these one-hundred-and-eighty-four miles, Mr. Stein?
Jake continues writing, a smile crossing his face.
val (cont'd)
Mr. Stein -- you haven't answered one of my questions. Don't you realize that by not cooperating you can get into big trouble?
prisoner (os)
Hey -- shut that trap, ya dumb motherf --
val
(toward voice)
-- Profanity is a sign of ill-breeding!
(to Jake)
Mr. Stein?
ext. jake's house - same
Sarah exits, carrying a set of suitcases.
She puts them down, turns around, and looks at the house.
A MAN puts a "FORECLOSURE SALE" sign on the front lawn.
int. prison - day
Jake mops the floors by himself.
The three convicts approach. The man who whistled before whistles again -- the whistle a construction worker would make at the sight of a beautiful woman.
whistler
Look at the kitten, boys. Perhaps she wants to play.
The other convicts giggle.
One comes up to Jake and meows in Jake's ear. Jake closes his eyes.
jake
I won't prejudge . . . I won't prejudge.
The whistler grabs Jake by the collar. Jake's eyes open wide.
whistler
Oh, but you'll do a whole lot more.
buck (os)
Hey, fellows.
The whistler quickly releases Jake as Buck approaches, and raises his hands in surrender.
whistler
Sorry about that, Buck. What's yours ain't mine.
buck
That's true.
whistler
We'll just be going. If, if that's okay with you?
buck
Okay.
The convicts sprint off.
jake
I guess . . . I guess they don't know you . . .
buck
I sure hope not. Those dudes scare me.
int. lunchroom - later
Jake and Buck eat lunch together.
buck
You're gonna hate me.
jake
Hate you? Why?
buck
I read your writing.
jake
What?
buck
I know I shouldn't've. But I couldn't help myself. You see, it's my business.
jake
Business?
Buck hands Jake a tattered business card. Jake reads it.
jake (cont'd)
Buck Rogers?
Buck shrugs and smiles.
buck
You can't pick your parents.
Jake turns back to the card.
jake
Samizdat Publishing.
(to Buck)
Samizdat?
buck
That's what the Russians used to call their underground presses.
jake
Yeah, I know. You're a publisher? Really?
buck
You don't believe me. You want me to cry again?
jake
No. Please.
buck
I liked it.
jake
What?
buck
Your writing.
jake
You . . . you did?
buck
You've got great style. And a fresh voice. I'm always looking for a fresh voice -- if you don't consider that too cliché.
Buck takes a sip of drink.
buck (cont'd)
You think you could make it book length?
jake
You want to publish it?
buck
If it's good. It's a nice start, but you gotta finish it.
jake
You're serious.
buck
I won't kid you -- Simon and Schuster I'm not. I run a small press. A very small press.
Buck wipes his face with a napkin.
buck (cont'd)
We'd do a run of a thousand -- maybe twenty-five hundred, if it's really, really good.
jake
It will be. I promise.
buck
You won't get rich.
jake
I don't care.
Buck offers Jake his hand with a smile.
buck
You've always got a friend in Buck.
int. basement - day
A group of a dozen young men and women sit stoically around a conference table. They're all dressed in black and are wearing tinfoil hats. On the wall behind them hang giant pictures of Henry David Thoreau and Ayn Rand.
At the head of the table, a strong, strikingly beautiful woman with jet-black hair -- also named AYN -- tosses a magazine onto the table.
It's a copy of Acumen Magazine, and has Jake's picture on the cover. The title reads: "The Criminal Mind of Jake Stein; Villain or Victim of the IRS?"
She rises, over-dramatically.
ayn
No longer can we allow the willingness of the good to suffer at the hands of evil!
int. jake's cell - day
Buck reads a handwritten page while lying in his cot, over the sound of the adding machine. He chuckles.
buck
Man, some of this stuff would be really funny if it weren't true.
Val stops adding.
val
What's funny?
Jake hands Buck another page.
val (cont'd)
Come on, guys -- you know I love a good joke.
jake
Buck, could I ask you something?
buck
Sure.
Val returns to his adding.
jake
If you don't want to answer . . .
buck
What?
Jake rises up to Buck and whispers.
jake
What . . . what are you in here for?
Buck smiles.
buck
Parking tickets.
jake
Parking tickets?
buck
I never pay them. . . . Who says they own the streets?
Jake chuckles and returns to his cot.
jake
Could I ask you something else?
buck
Sure.
jake
You married?
buck
Was.
jake
What . . . what did she think about what you do?
buck
That I describe her in the past tense says it all.
Jake opens his pad and writes.
buck (cont'd)
Don't be too hard on your wife. It's tough enough believing in your own dreams, let alone someone else's.
ext. prison - day
A chartered bus parks in the lot. A bunch of loud young people carrying signs exit.
int. jake's cell - same
Buck walks to the door. He stops, looks at Val typing at his adding machine, and turns back to Jake, who is busy writing.
buck
I'll come by next month for your first draft.
Jake stops writing and nods.
buck (cont'd)
That's not too soon, is it?
jake
It'll be ready.
The guard comes to the door and unlocks it.
jake (cont'd)
But . . . but I've got nothing to type it out on.
The guard opens the door.
buck
Just write it out by hand. . . . It worked for Solzhenitsyn.
Buck exits. The door closes. Buck turns back to Jake and smiles.
buck (cont'd)
He did some writing from prison, too, you know.
ext. prison gate - later
Buck exits. He's surprised when he sees the young people protesting, carrying signs in support of Jake and screaming "Free Jake!"
Buck walks up to a group of them.
buck
What's this all about?
One of them throws Buck a copy of Acumen Magazine. He catches it. He looks at it and his eyebrows rise.
buck (cont'd)
Buck, old boy, perhaps you're not as dumb as you look.
He opens the magazine in front of his face and reads.
A large yellow van -- an "Atlas Ironed" linen logo painted on its side -- pulls up to the gate, with Ayn driving.
int. visiting room - same
A happy-looking Sarah watches Jake read a copy of Acumen Magazine.
sarah
Isn't it great?
jake
I don't know. It's . . . It's making me look like some kind of tax protester.
sarah
It could only help, right?
voices (os)
Free Jake! Free Jake! Free Jake!
Jake and Sarah turn their heads to an open window briefly, before turning back to one another.
jake
What if it makes things worse?
Jake puts down the magazine.
jake (cont'd)
I've got great news, though. I've found a publisher for a book I'm writing.
sarah
A publisher? Where did you meet a publisher?
jake
Here.
sarah
In prison?
jake
Yeah.
sarah
A convict?
jake
So?
sarah
You promised.
jake
But I've got a deal.
sarah
How much?
jake
How much?
sarah
How much money?
jake
We . . . we never talked money.
sarah
Great. You've got a book deal from some criminal for no money.
jake
It'll be something. I'm sure.
sarah
Jake, I'm going crazy here. I've got no money, I had to drop out of school -- I'm living on ramen noodles in my parents' spare room.
She jumps up.
sarah (cont'd)
That is, until they get thrown out -- because they have no money either. And why? You!
jake
Me? You think this is my fault?
sarah
And while I'm struggling to get you out, what do you do? You sit here being a loser.
jake
Stop calling me a loser!
sarah
Stop acting like one!
She turns around and rushes toward the exit.
jake
Where you going?
sarah
I've had it, Jake. Goodbye!
jake
Goodbye? What does that mean?
She leaves, slamming the door. He presses his face and hands against the window.
jake (cont'd)
Sarah?
int. SURVEILLANCE room - same
A GUARD, who sits in front of an assortment of monitors and electronic equipment, chomps an apple.
He stops in mid-bite, in shock. The apple slips from his mouth.
int. prison - same
The guard leads Jake through a cell block. Right behind them walks an angry-looking Val, who's clutching a copy of Acumen Magazine.
val
I'm very upset, Mr. Stein, with the way you've characterized me in this article.
jake
I didn't write it.
Val stops, his face contorting with fury.
val
It makes me look like a raving maniac!
int. jake's cell - later
The guard leads Jake to the door, with Val trailing close behind. The guard opens the door. The lights dim. They all look up in bewilderment.
jake
Was someone executed?
Four of the activists, led by Ayn, approach. They all have guns. One of them points theirs at the guard.
guard
No -- please!
The gun sprays a Silly String-like substance around the guard, tying his arms to his body. Val jumps back against the wall in fear.
ayn
We're freeing you, Jake.
jake
Freeing me?
ayn
He who saves one man saves the world!
jake
If it's okay with you, I think I'll just go back to my cell.
Jake starts to walk, but two of the activists grab him.
jake (cont'd)
Hey, what are you doing?
ayn
You're suffering from "the sanction of the victim."
jake
I'm not suffering from anything -- let me go!
They start pulling him away.
He grabs onto the bars.
jake (cont'd)
Help! Where are those rapists when you need them?
They lift his waist into the air and continue dragging.
Jake loses his grip.
He sees his notepad in the cell.
jake (cont'd)
Wait -- Can I just take one thing?
They drop him and he walks into the cell. One of the activists notice Val.
activist 1
Hey, who's this?
activist 2
Isn't he that IRS maniac?
Val
(screaming)
Maniac?
Activist 1 sprays Val with string, tying him up. Jake exits the cell with the pad. Ayn smiles warmly at him, to Jake's unease.
val (cont'd)
It's a federal offense to assault an IRS agent.
Activist 2 sprays Val's mouth shut.
jake
For that I thank you.
ayn
(to Val)
We'll take him with us.
int. prison - moments later
The activists rush Jake and Val through a cell block. The prisoners bang their metal cups against the bars screaming "Jake! Jake! Jake!"
They pass the whistler. He blows Jake a kiss; and with his other hand, gives him a thumbs up.
They pass a guard, tied up on the floor.
jake
You've tied them up with Silly String?
activist 1
It just looks like Silly String.
activist 2
It's much, much stronger.
They pass another tied-up guard.
jake
Hey -- I want you to know that they're taking me against my will!
Ayn puts her hand on Jake's shoulder.
ayn
Don't worry, Jake -- they won't believe you.
ext. prison gate - later
The van calmly exits, passing through the hordes of protesters.
When it reaches the road, it speeds off.
int. van - same
Jake sits next to Val, who still tied up, along with about ten activists, including Ayn.
jake
(to Ayn)
Look . . .
ayn
Ayn.
jake
Ayn? . . . Where are you taking us, Ayn?
ayn
To a safe house -- far, far away.
jake
A safe house? Are you people nuts?
The activists put tinfoil hats on in unison.
ayn
What makes you say that?
ext. prison - night
Members of the media swarm the grounds. A hand passes a female REPORTER a microphone.
reporter
The Freedonian Liberation Army has claimed responsibility for the brazen prison attack and rescue of tax protester Jake Stein. And the abduction of IRS agent, Val John.
announcer (vo)
Have they made any demands?
reporter
Yes. They want all charges against Stein dropped and . . .
She tilts her head as if she doesn't comprehend what she's reading.
reporter (cont'd)
And an independent review of the federal tax code.
announcer (vo)
Anything else?
reporter
They say until their demands are met they will force Mr. John to continuously listen to the essays of Henry David Thoreau.
The image flickers to black.
int. BUCK'S APARTMENT - same
In a room packed with books and papers, Buck, who's sitting on a worn-out sofa, lays the television remote onto a broken coffee table in front of him. He smiles.
buck
Buck, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
int. jake's cell - same
A small group of MEN wearing suits peruse the cell, collecting evidence. FBI badges hang from their lapels.
Two heavily-armed commandos dressed in blue, with "IRS" printed on their backs, approach.
The dour-looking COMMANDER in his early sixties walks up to one of the agents.
commander
We're taking over, Tom.
The agent shakes his head.
agent
Not your jurisdiction, Matt.
commander
It is now.
The commander takes out a letter and hands it to the agent. The agent reads it.
The commander leans toward his LIEUTENANT and whispers.
commander
I want you to put the entire country on lockdown.
lieutenant
We'll need special permission.
commander
We need nothing.
The commander turns back to the agent and smiles.
ext. camp site - morning
A couple of activists mill around the yellow van.
A disheveled Jake exits the van. Jake points to some trees.
jake
Mind if I . . .
The activists smile at him.
ext. wooded area - later
Jake opens the fly of his prison garb. He hears water splashing.
moments later
Jake pushes aside some branches and sees a naked Ayn enter a lake.
His eyes widen. Embarrassed, he scampers off.
She turns around and giggles, splashing water in all directions.
int. irs control center - same
The lieutenant leads the commander through a dark room filled with workers and advanced computer equipment. On the wall hangs a large map of the United States covered in flashing lights.
lieutenant
We're monitoring every communication in the country -- voice and data -- all in real-time.
The commander stops. The lieutenant does the same. The commander covers his mouth with his hand and whispers.
commander
Anyone else know about this?
The lieutenant smiles.
lieutenant
Not even the Director.
ext. country road - later
A large billboard stands next to a 50-MPH speed-limit sign.
behind the billboard
An obese male POLICE OFFICER with dark sunglasses, sitting on a motorcycle, motionlessly waits.
A car drives by. The officer's radar reads "51." He smiles. His siren rings.
ext. country road - later
A female DRIVER pleads with the officer as he writes a ticket.
driver
Please, officer -- one more point and I lose my license.
officer
Ma'am -- the law must be blind and merciless.
The yellow van drives by. One of the activists leans out the front passenger window with a gun and sprays the officer, tying him up with the Silly-String-like substance.
The officer looks at himself in bewilderment. He turns to the driver.
officer (cont'd)
Ma'am -- could you please pick up my radio and call for help?
The driver pauses in thought.
officer (cont'd)
Ma'am?
She drives off.
int. buck's apartment - later
Buck paces while talking on the phone.
buck
I need to find the kid.
voice (vo)
Yeah?
buck
Come on -- you know every fringe libertarian group in the country.
voice (vo)
Try looking under that big schnozzle of yours.
Buck pauses. He smiles.
buck
Are you saying . . .
The connection dies.
ext. highway - night
The yellow van travels down a lonely road. In the distance the sun is just about to rise.
int. van - same
It's dark. Everyone is asleep except Jake and Ayn.
Ayn shines a flashlight in Jake's face. Jake puts his hand in front of his eyes.
jake
What is this -- an interrogation?
She giggles.
jake (cont'd)
I'd probably take you more seriously without the hat.
She takes off the hat and looks at it with the aid of the flashlight.
ayn
These? These are badges of honor.
She puts it down.
ayn (cont'd)
We call for individual liberty -- freedom from government tyranny. And they, they call us crazy. Crazy kids wearing tinfoil hats.
She points the flashlight back at Jake.
ayn (cont'd)
You married?
jake
Kinda. . . . But you already know that.
ayn
I do?
Jake raises a crumbled copy of Acumen Magazine into the light.
ayn (cont'd)
Why'd you say "kinda"?
jake
Is this an interrogation?
ayn
She doesn't seem . . . she doesn't seem very smart.
jake
She's actually the smarter half.
ayn
Not from where I'm sitting.
int. buck's apartment - same
Buck ransacks the place, books and paper flying everywhere.
buck
It's gotta be here!
He dumps a box of papers onto the floor, collapses onto his knees, and searches.
He grabs a scrap of paper and lifts it into the air. He smiles.
buck (cont'd)
A-ha!
ext. dirt road - morning
The yellow van struggles through mud and branches.
int. van - same
Ayn talks on a cell phone while looking at Jake, who writes in his notepad. She shakes her head.
ayn
I can't believe this.
(with exasperation)
Okay. Call back tonight.
ext. dirt road - same
The yellow van approaches an abandoned warehouse in the near distance. It parks in front of a rusty entrance to a mine shaft.
ext. warehouse - night
A light flickers within the structure.
int. warehouse - same
A young woman in black wearing a tinfoil hat moves a floor lamp away from the window.
woman
All comfy, Mr. John?
Val, who's sitting in a leather recliner, looks up hesitantly. He's still tied up and gagged with string.
The woman opens a copy of The Essays of Henry David Thoreau, and reads from it aloud.
woman (cont'd)
I heartily accept the motto that government is best which governs least.
Val moans.
woman (cont'd)
And I should like to see it acted up more rapidly and systematically.
a distance away
Jake watches. He is close enough that the woman, who reads throughout the scene, is still audible.
Jake shakes his head.
jake
I almost feel sorry for him.
Jake turns to Ayn.
jake (cont'd)
What are you gonna do with me?
ayn
You're a hero.
jake
I'm not. I'm just an ordinary guy.
ayn
Most heroes start out as ordinary guys. Ordinary guys made great by the events that overtook them.
jake
What are you gonna do with me?
ayn
Relax, you're among friends.
jake
With friends like these . . .
Jake plops down in an easy chair. One of the activists hand him a cell phone.
activist
For you.
jake
Me?
Jake puts the phone to his ear.
jake (cont'd)
Hello?
buck (vo)
It's Buck.
jake
Buck? How'd you find me? Are you behind this?
buck
I wish. What great publicity.
Jake
Publicity? Not only have I been kidnapped, but now I'm a fugitive, too. And all you can say is that it's great publicity?
buck (vo)
Well . . .
jake
Do you know these guys?
buck (vo)
A little. They're good people.
Jake sees Ayn staring at him. He turns away and puts his hand over his mouth.
jake
What do you consider bad people?
Ayn, well in earshot, huffily stomps away.
buck (vo)
Listen, I need you to get me what you've got.
jake
But I'm nowhere close to finishing.
buck (vo)
It doesn't matter. We're gonna serialize it.
jake
Serialize?
buck (vo)
Yeah, just like Dickens did.
jake
I don't know.
buck (vo)
Dude, you're famous. We already got tons of pre-orders. I've even hired this kickass marketing person. . . . Remember when I said you'd never get rich?
jake
Yeah.
buck (vo)
(with a Schwarzeneggerian accent)
I lied.
moments later
Jake hands the activist back the phone.
activist
Anyone you'd like to call?
jake
Call?
activist
Yeah, a loved one or something.
Jake pauses in thought.
sarah (vo)
I've had it, Jake. Goodbye!
activist
Well?
jake
Aren't you afraid they'll trace the call?
activist
Not really. It's patched into the NSA's own telecom network. They couldn't even begin to unravel it.
COMMANDER (OS)
(over bullhorn)
This is the IRS. You are surrounded. Come out with your hands up.
ayn
(to activist)
Can't trace us, huh?
The activist meekly shrugs.
int. warehouse - later
IRS COMMANDOS burst through the front doors, guns drawn. They fan out.
int. warehouse - later
The commander picks up the Thoreau book and flips through it.
commander
Commie crap.
A commando comes up to the commander and shakes his head.
LIEUTENANT (os)
Commander!
The lieutenant rushes toward the commander.
lieutenant
We found an entrance to an old mine down below.
The commander flings the book onto the ground.
commander
Damn!
ext. warehouse - later
Members of the media swarm around the site. A hand passes the female reporter a microphone. The commandos, led by the commander, rush past her.
reporter
The saga of Jake Stein continues here at this old warehouse in New Hampshire, where Jake and his cohorts miraculously avoided capture.
A hand gives her a piece of paper.
reporter (cont'd)
This just in. The first installment of a book entitled The Taxman -- purportedly written by Jake Stein -- has been announced, available shortly both in print and e-book formats.
a short distance away
The commandos enter an armed Apache helicopter, which has the IRS logo printed on its side.
ext. street - same
One of the activists steps out of a Kinkos-like store, carrying a bunch of written pages. The female activist who was reading to Val exits an adjoining bookstore with a paper bag, at about the same time.
The backdoors of the yellow van, which no longer has a logo printed on its sides, swing open, and the activists jump inside. The door swings closed and the van speeds off.
int. van - same
The activist hands Jake the pages.
activist
Done.
Jake turns to Ayn. In the background, the woman reads Thoreau aloud.
jake
Now where?
ayn
Where else? Galt's Gulch.
jake
(mockingly)
Where else?
ext. sky - same
The Apache helicopter soars through the nothingness.
int. helicopter - same
The commander caresses an assault rifle as if it were a loved one. The lieutenant looks at him awkwardly.
commander
Those kids think this is a game. But they're wrong. So wrong.
ext. country road - later
The yellow van travels down the emptiness. Behind the van the sun is just about to rise.
They pass the obese police officer, who is still tied up by his motorcycle. He tilts his head as if he faintly recognized something.
int. van - same
It's dark. Everyone is asleep except Jake and Ayn.
Ayn shines a flashlight in Jake's face. Jake puts his hand in front of his eyes.
jake
Another interrogation?
ayn
I bet he was really laying it on back there.
jake
Who?
ayn
Buck.
jake
You know him?
ayn
A little.
She smiles.
ayn (cont'd)
Let me guess.
(with a deep voice)
"You've got great style, kid. And a fresh voice. I'm always looking for a fresh voice -- if you don't consider that too cliché."
Jake lowers his eyes.
ayn (cont'd)
You're just a cheap, tawdry crime story he could sell.
Jake looks through his manuscript.
ayn (cont'd)
I read some of it while you were sleeping.
jake
Yeah? What . . . what'd you think?
ayn
Trite. A bit pretentious.
jake
Mediocre?
ayn
Perhaps. Don't worry -- it'll sell. The cattle will chomp on it without so much as tasting.
Jake crumples the manuscript. Ayn smiles.
int. public defenders' office - day
Paterson watches IRS commandos ransack the place.
The commandos cart away items.
The commander condescendingly winks at Paterson.
paterson
You're breaking dozens of laws, commander.
commander
Is that so, boy?
paterson
Boy?
Underneath his desk, Paterson clenches his right fist.
commander
You're lucky we're not carting you away, too.
Paterson giggles.
paterson
From what TV show did you pick up that line?
commander
You . . . you nobody. Why else would you be sitting in a PD office?
Paterson lowers his eyes.
commander (cont'd)
And if it weren't for affirmative action, you wouldn't even be sitting here.
Underneath his desk, Paterson clenches his left fist. He takes a deep breath and looks up.
paterson
You through?
commander
You're off the case, counselor.
paterson
Says who?
The commander gets in Paterson's face.
commander
If he so much as contacts you, I'll have your office moved upstairs -- alongside the rest of your clients.
lieutenant (os)
Commander, we just got another sniff.
ext. prison - later
On the roof, the commander and his lieutenant enter the Apache helicopter, its propellers spinning fast.
The helicopter takes off.
ext. chicago - day
The yellow van travels on a highway just outside downtown.
int. van - same
Jake lifelessly stares out the van's back window. In the background, someone reads Thoreau aloud.
Ayn holds out the cell phone.
ayn
No more phone calls. Is that understood?
Through the window Jake sees a billboard advertising his book, featuring his picture. His eyes widen.
jake
What the . . .
He jumps up and presses his face and hands against the back door.
activist (os)
Hey -- don't lean against the door!
OUTSIDE THE VAN
One of the van's backdoors bursts open, with Jake grasping the handle and screaming. Only his feet remain inside the van.
Two of the activists try to pull Jake inside.
A police siren blares off-screen.
The activists rush back inside the van.
The van speeds off.
The van exits off a highway ramp, wildly maneuvering traffic, chased by a police car.
At the bottom of the ramp, a second police car joins the chase.
At a sharp turn, the other backdoor of the van swings open. Val tumbles out, landing on top of Jake. Jake sinks, his backside remaining just above the pavement.
The Apache helicopter enters the fray. It shoots bullets at the van, barely missing Jake and Val.
Two more police cars join the chase.
inside the helicopter
The commander points down.
commander
I want that van down! And I don't care how!
outside the helicopter
The helicopter fires a missile.
outside the van
The missile just misses the van, hitting and ripping apart the street, causing two police cars to fly through the air and crash.
A second missile hits a police car, causing it to explode and crash into the other.
inside the helicopter
The commander grabs the pilot, who turns to him.
commander
Can't you fire straight?
The commander's eyes widen. He points forward.
commander (cont'd)
Look out!
outside the helicopter
The helicopter heads directly toward the Sears Tower. At the last second, it rises, scraping the windows with its nose all the way up.
At the top of the building, it turns aimlessly, as if searching.
int. paterson's apartment - same
Paterson lies on a bed fully-clothed, his eyes shut. On the wall behind him hang small pictures of Medger Evers and a young Thurgood Marshall.
commander (vo)
And if it weren't for affirmative action, you wouldn't even be sitting here.
He jumps up, slightly panting, his eyes wide open.
ext. chicago - later
Members of the media swarm around the crash site. A hand passes the female reporter a microphone.
reporter
Industry experts say the first installment of Jake Stein's The Taxman is a success unprecedented in the history of publishing.
She clears her throat.
reporter (cont'd)
Never before has a true crime story been published concurrently with the crime itself.
announcer (vo)
It's kinda like if Patty Hearst could've blogged her kidnapping.
reporter
Exactly. More than three million copies in thirty-seven languages have been sold. We're told Amazon dot com shut down today -- its servers overwhelmed with orders.
ext. street, south central los angeles - day
Paterson exits a car and walks toward a tall, heavy-set black MAN who's leaning against a garage. The man is clearly not happy.
paterson
I need some help.
man
What kind of help?
paterson
Information help.
The man shakes his head.
man
Man, I just got out two weeks ago.
Paterson looks around carefully and leans forward.
paterson
How'd you like to nail the Man?
Paterson raises his index finger and whispers.
paterson (cont'd)
Just for once.
The man doesn't seem receptive; but after a momentary pause, rips open the garage, exposing an assortment of high-tech equipment.
ext. street, small desert city - same
Buck saunters toward a car, which has a parking ticket on the window.
He picks up the ticket and glances at it, before crumbling it up and tossing it over his shoulder.
He hears guns cocking. He looks around and sees IRS commandos, their guns pointed at him.
buck
I think you guys are getting a little anal about these parking tickets.
int. garage - same
Paterson watches the heavy-set man punch keys on a computer system.
man
Okay . . . what?
paterson
IRS.
The man turns to Paterson in utter shock.
man
Are you out of your mind?
paterson
What?
man
Man, CIA, DIA, FBI -- it's all good. But the IRS? The IRS? Do you know who you're messing with?
paterson
I know.
int. INTERROGATION room - day
The same friendly-looking detective who interrogated Jake hovers over Buck, who looks well at-ease.
detective
Mr. Rogers, I'd like to let you go. You're innocent, right?
buck
How do you define "innocent"?
ext. MISSISSIPPI river - day
The yellow van waits to cross the bridge in heavy traffic. A school bus waits in front of it.
int. van - same
An activist quietly talks on the cell phone. In the background, someone reads Thoreau aloud.
activist
I miss you, too, honey.
ayn
Hey -- didn't I tell you not to use that phone?
The activist hangs up.
Ayn reaches out her hand.
The activist hands it to her and she smashes it against the wall of the vehicle.
ext. mississippi river - same
The Apache helicopter hovers over traffic.
int. helicopter - same
The commander leans over the pilot's shoulder.
commander
What are you waiting for?
pilot
The school bus.
commander
Screw the kids -- fire!
The pilot looks through a viewfinder.
through viewfinder
A small girl on the bus plays, her hands extending out the window.
commander (os)
Well?
back in the helicopter
The pilot puts his thumb on the trigger.
radio (vo)
Attention, Blue Dog. Come in, Blue Dog.
The pilot releases the trigger.
pilot
Blue Dog.
radio (vo)
Return to base immediately.
pilot
Immediately?
radio (vo)
As in now. On order of the Director.
pilot
Copy. Over.
The pilot turns the helicopter around.
commander
What are you doing?
pilot
You heard the order.
commander
First shoot the damn van!
pilot
No can do.
ext. irs headquarters, washington dc - later
The Apache helicopter lands on top of the roof.
int. hallway - later
The commander and his lieutenant march toward an open door.
int. director's office - later
The commander talks with the DIRECTOR.
commander
I don't understand, sir.
director
These are serious charges, commander.
commander
If you're talking about the dead cops . . .
director
I'm not talking about the dead cops.
commander
Then it must be the street.
director
You put the country under lockdown.
commander
Sir?
director
Don't try to deny it -- it's all documented, commander. Plus, all the civil rights violations. And the dead cops.
commander
But . . .
director
Each taken on their own is no big deal. But together . . .
commander
Sir? I just want you to know -- I'd lay down my life for the tax code.
int. hallway - later
The lieutenant anxiously waits.
The commander angrily bursts through the door and marches, the lieutenant following close behind.
lieutenant
Well?
The commander stops and so does the lieutenant.
commander
Grounded.
lieutenant
Grounded?
commander
If I only knew the weasel who ratted me out.
They hear footsteps behind them and turn around. A smiling Paterson approaches.
Paterson winks condescendingly at the shocked commander as he passes him.
ext. highway - night
The yellow van cruises down an empty road.
int. van - same
In the darkness, Jake sits next to one of the activists, who has a flashlight under his chin, as a child would do when telling ghost stories at a camp out. In the background, someone reads Thoreau aloud.
activist
You see, Jake, the Illuminati, in collusion with the Bilderberg Group, the Trilateral Commission, and the CFR are conspiring to create a single world government.
Jake nods his head condescendingly.
jake
Uh-huh.
activist
These are the same people who put fluoride in the water supply, you know.
jake
You don't say?
activist
I say! I say!
The activist leans close to Jake.
activist (cont'd)
And now . . . now they want to create a massive superhighway running through the entire country. And you know what?
jake
What?
activist
(ominously)
We'll all have to ride on this superhighway, Jake. All of us.
The van pulls over.
ext. rest stop - later
The van sits in an empty lot.
int. van - same
Jake, Val, and a sleepy-looking activist sit alone in the van. The activist reads from a book aloud.
activist
The broadest and most prevalent error requires the most disinterested virtue to sustain it. The slight reproach . . .
The activist falls asleep and snores.
Jake quietly moves toward the back door and looks out the window.
He slowly opens the door. Val whimpers. Jake turns toward him and whispers.
jake
Don't worry -- I'll get help.
outside the van
Jake carefully exits the van.
He looks both ways and starts walking.
Val jumps out of the van. Jake turns to him.
jake
What are you doing? You'll get us both caught!
activist (os)
Hey -- they're getting away!
Jake and Val run, hearing many footsteps in pursuit.
Val, with his arms tied, can't run fast. One of the activists shoots string around his legs, causing him to collapse.
Jake runs into a wooded area.
Jake trips and falls.
jake
Damn!
Jake grips his knee and looks around.
Jake gets up and runs.
Jake collides with Ayn, knocking him backward to the ground. Ayn remains standing, as if nothing happened.
Jake gets up.
jake (cont'd)
I'm so sorry.
He throws a roundhouse punch at her, which she easily blocks. Grabbing his wrist, she effortlessly flips him onto his back in the mud, where he slowly sinks.
jake (cont'd)
I can't fall any further than this.
She straddles his waist, causing him to sink further.
ayn
Don't be so sure.
She smiles as she caresses his chest.
ayn (cont'd)
Soon, you'll be one of us.
jake
Never.
She passionately kisses him. His eyes widen.
She breaks their embrace. Jake pants.
jake (cont'd)
(high-pitched)
Never say never.
int. van - later
Jake, baked in mud, enters the van and sits across from Val.
Val smiles, barely visible under the string covering his face. Jake smiles back.
int. prison - day
The guard leads Buck through the cell block.
They pass the whistler, who jumps when he sees Buck. The CONVICT lying above the whistler notices this in bewilderment.
convict
What's the problem?
whistler
That dude scares me.
convict
Buck? Don't you know about him?
ext. highway - day
The yellow van passes a sign that reads "WELCOME TO OURAY; AYN RAND'S FICTIONAL 'GALT'S GULCH.'" The Rocky Mountains stand high above.
int. van - same
Ayn, looking out the back window, smiles.
ayn
We're here.
jake
Where?
Jake looks out at the sign, and then at Ayn.
jake (cont'd)
You . . . you did notice the word "fictional"?
int. prison - same
Buck talks into a pay phone. A long line of convicts wait behind him.
buck
It's just like the old samizdats. The distributors will take care of everything themselves. You don't need me.
(beat)
Look, take whatever money you need.
ext. street - later
Activists enter a large, multi-story cabin sitting on a steep mountain. The van is not in view.
int. cabin - same
Jake enters and sees a activist kneeling in prayer on a rug -- in front of giant pictures of Thoreau and Rand.
The activist stands and motions Jake to kneel. Jake shakes his head and points to his leg.
jake
Bad knee.
Jake walks up to Ayn. He points to the pictures.
jake (cont'd)
Nice cult of personalities you've got going here.
ayn
A cult is a collective. And we're against all forms of collectivism.
jake
Collectively.
A large activist carries Val inside and dumps him onto the floor. Jake winces at the sight.
Jake sees something that piques his interest.
moments later
Jake picks up a newspaper by the front door.
He sees a picture of Buck in handcuffs. The headline reads: "ROGERS SENT TO PRISON FOR PROTECTING STEIN."
AYN (OS)
Figures.
Jake turns and sees Ayn right behind him.
ayn (CONT'D)
He always liked playing the martyr.
jake
Just how well do you know him?
ayn
Well enough to divorce him.
int. prison - same
Buck mops the floor by himself.
The whistler, who's whistling a show tune, and the other two convicts approach.
Buck drops the mop in fear. The convicts surround him.
buck
Please don't hurt me.
The whistler grabs Buck by the collar. Buck closes his eyes.
whistler
Can, can you get us Jake's autograph?
Buck opens his eyes.
int. room - night
Jake sneaks toward the door. He hears the sound of someone entering the cabin and puts his ear to the door. He hears whispering voices.
male activist (os)
Well?
ayn (os)
Nothing.
Jake hears footsteps climbing the stairs.
male activist (os)
Nothing?
ayn (os)
They're just ignoring us.
male activist (os)
Now what? We can't read him that bloody book forever.
Jake turns around and sees Val sleeping.
ayn (os)
We have to show them that we're serious.
Jake hears them enter a room and close the door. Jake tries the knob. It's locked.
moments later
He carefully opens the window while watching Val.
He looks out.
ext. CABIN - same
Jake sees that it's many stories down with nothing but window ledges.
moments later
Jake, hanging out the window, puts both feet on the ledge below him.
The ledge breaks, causing him to dangle.
jake
Perhaps this wasn't a great idea.
He tries to pull himself back up, but that ledge breaks, and he flies down the side of the building, screaming.
He lands in a patch of snow and starts tumbling down the ice-covered mountain.
A blast of the Silly-String-like substance pastes him against the mountain.
An activist appears, holding a gun. He smiles.
activist
Lucky thing I caught you. Once you start going down this mountain, you stay going.
The activist picks up a small stone and skips it down the mountain. From the sound it makes, it's clear it doesn't stop.
A window opens. Ayn peeks her head out and looks at Jake. She frowns.
int. cabin - day
Jake and Val sit in small desks -- the kind found in an elementary school. They look at Ayn, who's writing "INDIVIDUAL" on a chalkboard.
jake
What is this?
ayn
Re-education.
jake
Are you serious?
ayn
I'm gonna teach you things you should've learned long ago.
jake
As long as you're not gonna be condescending . . .
ayn
Individual rights are the means of subordinating society to moral law.
Ayn puts down the chalk and over-dramatically raises her arms.
ayn (cont'd)
These rights are not subject to a majority vote; a majority has no right to vote away the rights of the minority.
jake
When do we vote?
ayn
Don't you know about the Stockholm Syndrome? You're supposed to be sympathetic to us by now!
jake
Maybe if you talked like a real person instead of some schmuck from an Ayn Rand novel.
She storms out.
jake (cont'd)
You think I said something wrong?
Val turns to him.
ext. street - same
A male activist exits the van carrying bags of fast food.
As he reaches the steps, A police cruiser slowly drives by.
ext. cabin - moments later
As the male activist reaches the threshold, Ayn exits.
ayn
Why is the van parked on the street?
activist
I'll move it right away.
Ayn looks carefully in both directions.
Jake walks up behind her.
jake
Look, I'm sorry.
Jake lowers his eyes.
jake (cont'd)
Now I'm apologizing to a kidnapper.
Ayn smiles.
ayn
That's the Stockholm Syndrome.
int. cabin - same
Two hands unwrap a fast-food burger.
A hand carries the burger to Val.
Another hands rips the string off Val's face. He screams.
val
Can I at least continue the audit?
voice (os)
Hey, would you shut the f --
val
(toward voice)
Profanity is a sign of ill-breeding!
Val looks around.
val (cont'd)
You're all interfering with official government busi --
A hand stuffs the burger into Val's mouth.
Someone off-screen reads Thoreau aloud as sauce drips down Val's chin.
ext. washington, dc - same
The female reporter interviews a young, hippie-like man, as protesters march behind them. In the background is the Capitol Building.
reporter
I have to say, you'd be the last type of person I'd expect at an IRS protest.
man
It's simple really. No taxes means no money for wars.
The man raises his hand, revealing a lit joint.
man (cont'd)
And no DEA.
He takes a long and accentuated hit.
The image flickers to black.
int. commander's office - same
The commander throws the television remote onto the floor. He tightly grips a Styrofoam cup of coffee.
commander
That Stein -- he's making a mockery of all of us.
He crushes the cup, causing coffee to spill over his desk.
Someone knocks on the door.
commander (cont'd)
Yeah?
His lieutenant enters.
lieutenant
We believe we got a locale in Colorado.
commander
Believe?
lieutenant
Can't be sure. Should I send the western boys?
The commander rises.
lieutenant (cont'd)
But you're grounded, sir.
commander
You think I'd let someone else have the pleasure of killing him?
ext. irs building - later
The commander and his lieutenant enter the Apache helicopter, its propellers spinning fast.
int. helicopter - same
commander
We'll see who's the fools now.
The sound of the propellers indicate that they're slowing down.
commander (cont'd)
What's wrong?
The pilot looks at his controls.
pilot
I forgot to get gas.
int. buck's apartment - day
Buck paces while talking on the phone.
buck
I need to find the kid.
voice (vo)
How'd you get out?
buck
I've got one hell of a lawyer.
Buck looks down at a sitting Paterson, who smiles modestly at the compliment.
buck (cont'd)
The kid?
voice (vo)
She's your ex.
buck
They're not answering.
voice (vo)
You think I got telepathy?
The connection dies. Buck lowers the phone.
paterson
I don't get you.
buck
What?
paterson
All you had to do was tell them what you knew -- you didn't have to spend one minute inside. Why'd you do it?
buck
I guess I believe in him.
Buck smiles.
buck (cont'd)
And, I guess it didn't exactly hurt sales.
int. cabin - same
Jake stares at his notepad.
Ayn comes up from behind and rubs his shoulders.
ayn
Why don't you write something.
jake
Should I try something trite? Or perhaps pretentious? Or how about I go straight for mediocre?
ayn
That was your word.
She leans her head to his ear. Jake looks nervous.
ayn (cont'd)
There's a free bedroom upstairs.
Val tilts his head so he can get a better view of the two.
Ayn nibbles Jake's ear.
The ground shakes momentarily. All three look around.
jake
Was that the earth or just me?
ext. PARAMILITARY base - same
A group of armed IRS COMMANDOS enter the helicopter.
int. helicopter - same
The commander looks surprised.
commander
What was that?
pilot
We're getting reports of seismic activity in the area. But that should be the worst of it.
int. bedroom - later
Jake and Ayn are kissing on a bed, fully clothed.
ayn
I lied.
jake
What?
ayn
Your writing's great.
Ayn reaches for the top button of her blouse. Jake grabs her hand.
ayn
What's wrong?
Jake turns over.
jake
My wife.
ayn
The one who left you?
jake
The one I love.
A powerful earthquake strikes, causing the bed to collapse onto the floor and the floor to crack.
Part of the ceiling falls.
int. cabin - moments later
The activists quickly leave as the building crumbles and makes loud creaking sounds.
Jake and Ayn, who is clearly angry, jump down the stairs and reach the threshold.
ext. cabin - same
Jake and Ayn exit. Jake stops and looks around.
jake
Where's Val?
ayn
Forget him!
jake
Forget him?
Ayn stops and turns to Jake.
Ayn
That house'll collapse any second.
jake
What about all those platitudes about the individual? Isn't he an individual?
ayn
He's a taxman!
jake
So was Matthew.
ayn
Look, Jake -- you wanna play Jesus, or do you wanna live?
int. cabin - same
Val squirms on the floor.
The floor cracks, causing him to roll down toward the center of the room.
Part of the wall collapses, just missing him.
He whimpers, tears rolling down his eyes.
A hand rips the string from his face. He screams.
He looks up at Jake, his mouth agape.
jake
If you say one word, I'll leave you here.
Val shuts his trap.
Jake tries unsuccessfully to untie the string around Val's body.
Jake shakes his head.
jake (cont'd)
You're gonna have to hop.
Jake lifts Val to his feet. Val hops with Jake's assistance.
val
Why'd you come back for me?
jake
(passionlessly)
He who saves one man saves the world.
ext. cabin - same
The cabin implodes.
Jake and Val burst through the foundation and slide down the mountain. They both scream, Jake's arms tightly woven around Val -- their faces cheek-to-cheek.
ext. mountain - same
Jake and Val travel downward at high speed.
They approach a snow drift.
They close their eyes and look away.
They crash through the drift.
They approach a tree, directly in the path of Val's groin.
At the last moment, Jake rolls Val over his own body to the other side.
They slow down, as the angle of descent decreases considerably.
They look at each other and calm down.
They see they're coming to the precipice of an immense cliff.
val
Oh, fuck.
They fly through the air screaming wildly.
They land deep in a soft snow bank.
Though they can't see each other, their heads turn to one another.
They hear guns cocking. They look up and see IRS commandos, led by the commander, with their guns drawn.
Jake raises his arms in surrender. Everyone but the commander lowers their weapons.
jake
What . . . what are you going to do?
The commander puts his finger on the trigger.
jake (cont'd, os)
Please.
The commander lightly squeezes.
val (os)
He was kidnapped!
ext. los angeles federal courthouse - day
Members of the media swarm around the building.
The front doors swing open. Jake and Paterson leave together, mobbed by the press, who lob questions.
jake
I guess you won't be long in that public defenders' office.
paterson
I wouldn't say that.
Jake stops, and so does Paterson. Jake smiles.
jake
What would you say?
paterson
I'd say let's hope we never meet again.
Paterson smiles and offers Jake his hand. Jake shakes it.
Val exits the courthouse and approaches Jake.
jake
Thanks for dropping the charges. And testifying for me. And . . . and saving my life.
val
It's every citizen's duty to tell the truth, Mr. Stein.
jake
Jake.
Val smiles.
val
Jake.
Val reaches into his jacket.
val (cont'd)
I'm afraid, though, I have some bad news for you.
jake
What?
Val hands Jake a letter.
val
I just completed your audit, and you owe some money.
Jake opens the letter and reads it. He's shocked.
jake
Fifty-seven cents?
Jake angrily approaches Val. Val steps back.
jake (cont'd)
You put me through all this for fifty cents?
val
Fifty-seven.
The anger on Jake's face dissipates. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out some change.
val
Oh, no, Jake -- I couldn't take money -- that would be unethical.
Val points to the letter.
val (cont'd)
Mail a check to the address listed at the bottom.
Jake nods and walks off.
A MAN in a dark suit comes up to Val from behind and taps him on the shoulder. Val turns around.
val
Yes?
man
Val John?
val
That's me.
The man shows Val his IRS badge.
man
IRS.
Val, beaming with joy, raises his hand for a high-five.
val
Howdy, pardner!
man
Mr. John, you're being audited.
Val lowers his hand. His smile disappears.
val
Audited? Who audits an auditor?
The man smiles.
man
Me.
ext. desert - day
Buck leads Jake into a dilapidated building. A sign reads: "SAMIZDAT PUBLISHING."
jake
Good to know you didn't waste any of the profits.
Int. building - same
Jake and Buck enter.
buck
If I were into materialism, I would've stayed a corporate lawyer.
Buck leads him toward an office.
buck (cont'd)
Come -- there's someone I want you to meet.
int. office - moments later
Buck leads Jake inside. A desk and the back of a tall leather chair stand in front of them. Behind this lies a gorgeous desert vista.
buck
This is the brains of the operation.
woman's voice (os)
We'll have fifty thousand units to you by Thursday.
Jake tilts his head as if he recognizes the voice.
woman's voice (cont'd, os)
It'll be there. And the next installment of the book soon after.
The chair turns around, revealing Sarah.
jake
Sarah?
She smiles meekly.
sarah
Hi, Jake.
jake
(to Buck)
This is your marketing genius?
buck
Couldn't've done it without her. I don't even know how to use a computer.
sarah
Don't believe him.
Her eyes tear up.
sarah (cont'd)
He kept us afloat, Jake. Me. My parents.
jake
(to Buck)
Why didn't you tell me?
Buck smiles.
buck
What -- and ruin this romantic ending?
Buck backs out of the office, closing the door behind himself.
Jake hesitantly approaches Sarah.
He trips. She jumps up to catch him, but he regains his footing by himself.
After an awkward moment, he sees a copy of his book on a nearby table. He picks it up and shows it to her.
jake
I thought this was for losers?
sarah
Can you forgive me for that?
jake
If you can forgive me for everything else.
sarah
What?
jake
I don't know.
They close their eyes and gently kiss, shaking slightly.
ext. desert - dusk
Jake and Buck walk beside the building.
buck
Two reps from Simon and Schuster came by the other day.
jake
Really?
buck
They offered to buy out your contract.
jake
Really?
buck
It'd mean a lot of money for you.
Buck kicks a rock.
buck (cont'd)
They'd also give you a huge advance on your next books -- something I could never do.
jake
Wow. I guess . . . I guess they'd take care of you, too.
buck
Oh, sure. Don't you worry about old Buck. Hell, I'm sure they'd even give Sarah a job. She'll probably run the place in a couple of years.
jake
Too bad.
buck
What?
Jake stops, and so does Buck.
jake
Too bad I already have a publisher.
buck
You mean that?
Jake smiles, offering his hand.
jake
You always have a friend in Jake.
Buck gives him a big hug, to the mild chagrin of Jake, lifting Jake high into the air.
moments later
Jake and Buck walk off together into the sunset, Buck's huge, bear-like arm draped over Jake's shoulder.
buck (vo)
I think I'm gonna cry.
ext. country road - same
Two cars pass in the opposite directions, revealing the obese police officer, who is still tied next to his motorcycle.
FADE OUT:
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